What condition is that horn in?

Uh_oh, I feel a rant coming on. It's about the stuff you see on eBay all the time. So many things are sold by people who are either ignorant or are deliberately overlooking problems. I don't know which it is, but remember folks a trip to the overhaul shop is worth $400 to $650 depending on how fancy a place you go. For reasons beyond me, the average eBay auction seems to add only about $150 to the value of a horn for being freshly overhauled versus a moldy corroded beater from behind the coal scuttle in the basement.
Anyway, what gets me going is the evasive stuff you read, like:

When the ad says	The horn	Why?
I'm not a musician...	Needs an overhaul	"Wasn't that a clever excuse for not having to look at the instrument before I sold it?"
I don't know anything about saxes...	Needs an overhaul	"They make really nice lamps. I also sell advertising paraphernilia."
A friend of mine played it and sounded great!	Needs an overhaul	"Oh, yeah, by the way he only played middle C#. Lots of C#"
Appears to be in great shape	Needs an overhaul	"Well, all the keys wiggle and they are shiny. Were there supposed to be little leather circles under them?"
Pads are old but seal well	Needs an overhaul	"What? You mean they're not supposed to have big fuzzy clumps of mold on them? I thought that added character!"
I had a local guy give it a tune	Needs an overhaul	Sorry, the local guy is a guitar repairman.

Whew. I came back and looked at that rant by the clear light of day and I come across kinda negative there. I guess ... there's not much point in just tearing everybody to shreds. A more constructive viewpoint is:
eBay can be a real fun place to shop. But when you purchase horns, try hard to figure out the condition of the instrument. The more uncertainty, the more you have to allow for =>dollars and time<= cost after you receive the item. Are you bidding at a level that you don't mind several hundred extra dollars after the purchase? Do you mind waiting a couple months before you can play it?

So..... time for me toot my own horn of course. When I describe the condition of the horn, it means that I have played it. And what I'll report on is:

Can you take it downtown TONIGHT for the gig, without stopping off at the repair shop?
How many nights can you gig on it before it wants an overhaul? One year (pads just holding on), six years (nice middle aged pads), or a dozen (fresh pads).
as well as of course
Do the correct pads close -- ALL THE WAY -- when you press down the keys? And do the keys pop smoothly? or are misaligned levers and badly floated pads making the whole thing leak like a sieve and feel like mud?